Well, hello! :) It’s been a while since I’ve written anything personal here on the blog. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been really busy over the past few months. As you can tell from all the recent posts. Alot of time, I meet myself coming and going. There are days were I want it all… I want a successful business, time with family, friends and husband, time for crafty stuff, time to shop, time to workout, time to relax, etc… It’s really hard to find balance when you own your own business though because there’s always something that needs to get done. Always. However, something has to give.
Being the control freak that I am, things need to be done on certain days in order for me to move on to the next thing, or take in more work, or to have time to treat myself to that manicure, etc. I’ve been ignoring my needs and over doing it. I just finished up the busiest 2 months I’ve ever had, I’ve shot a Wedding the past 8 weekends and have had about 3-6 shoots per week. Still somehow finding the time to get Portrait clients images back within 1 week and Wedding clients images back within 2 weeks. To be completely honest, somewhere in the middle of all that work – I had a mini breakdown. It was alot of pressure and I just wasn’t making enough time for myself. I got out some tears and let out my frustrations, fears and emotions all on Randys shoulder one night. I am human and sometimes yes, I hit a breaking point. Which is why some things needed to change. For me. For my marriage. For just plain out living life and feeling normal. I can’t do everything. Sometimes it takes things happening to put whats going on around me into perspective.
I decided to turn some things around when I started feeling blah. I started bootcamp again after taking a few months off. I began going to the morning classes and pushing my shoots back a little later in the day instead of starting so early. I wake up and go there 3 times a week and I am starting to feel good again! I also starting buying more organic foods and really trying to focus on being a healthier person. I’m down about 6 pounds and convinced it’s been a combination of eating breakfast every morning, followed by my vitamins, a bottle of water and then heading to sweat it out at Bootcamp. Small meals throughout the day, portion control and only cheating every now and then. I started keeping a private journal which has helped alot too with just getting it all out of my brain. I also signed up at Massage Envy and really going to try and get a massage twice a month. Between carrying around heavy equipment and camera bags combined with 40+ hours of editing at a desk per week… my back and shoulders are filled with knots. Little things along the way and changes in my routine will help me find balance again.
I am so in love with my job, that it was really easy for me just to keep overbooking myself. Some days I just can’t get enough and I hated turning people away. However, I knew some things needed to change in order for it not to feel like work work work all the time. Starting next month, I’ve decided to only take in 2 Weddings per month and 4 portrait sessions per week. I want each person that books with me to get the proper attention, taking in more than I can handle is not the option for myself or the client. I have turned down dozens of Weddings over the past year. Truthfully, this is a decision I made back in Jan 2010 that is just now coming into effect. Brides book really far in advance, so I knew I needed to make some changes and it’s now finally happening. I am looking forward to the upcoming months and being able to have a little more time on my hands.
I am so thankful for each one of you who has hired me as your photographer, you mean more to me than you know. I am just hoping that this upcoming year will continue to bring in past and new clients in order for this change to happen. I have about 15 people on a waiting list right now in case something opens up before Christmas. When I look at that list is takes me back to the day several years ago when I wanted to just give up because this wasn’t working. Note to self: with enough drive and dedication you will push forward and succeed. You just have to want it. Some days you may even need to eat, live, breathe and sleep that particular goal in order for it to happen. It will happen if you don’t give up. I am looking forward to what the next several months will bring. I will be transitioning into a different work schedule, but deep down it’s for the better.
Throughout my life of ups and downs, I am still reminded to put God in the center. Whether I’m doing awesome and things are great, I’m overworked, tired, or just feel like running … God is there. I’ve noticed God working through me several times in the past month. Little instances of people in need and I’ve been given the opportunity to either help or ignore. I’ve chosen to help and I had felt God’s grace poor over me. Sometimes so much that I get emotional and teary. I am so thankful for the many blessings I’ve been given, that my only way to show appreciation is so share my time and talent. I leave those situations with a happy heart and a refreshed mind. I want there to be more good in the world, less fighting, more loving. It begins with a positive attitude. It’s amazing what God can do. I will be right here waiting to see what he has in store for me. Not giving up, just holding on for the ride. Knowing he will provide in my times of need.
Thanks to all of you for continuing to follow my work, my life, my passion. It’s amazing how far this little old blog has gotten me in the past couple of years. It’s changed the way I do business and has helped me grow as a photographer, its helped me make new friends along the way, and hopefully it’s been a source of entertainment or inspiration for you. I am human and this is sometimes my place to let it all out. I am so glad I made it through the past couple of months. Being the sweet age of 26, I often have to remind myself that this is exactly where God wants me, this is his plan. Sometimes you have to come full circle in order to know what is and is not working. This is me and this is where I am right now. I am so thankful and proud. Everyone is in different places and stages in their lives and all I can do is stay positive. As soon as I took a step back, started trusting myself, and quit comparing myself to others and what they have – – that’s when the world seemed to make more sense. I am so happy for what I have and through all this, I’ve found more meaning in life. Hard and hectic times make the good times sweeter. Remembering to thank God every Sunday at mass and a few extra prayers is what gets me through ;)